Don't forget me
by xredSunburstx
Summary: Calliope couldn’t be happier. But life isn’t always giving you the things you want and continuing like that. Most of the time Happy Times are followed by dark times. Will Calliope be able to get through this with her love for Arizona?
1. Chapter 1

**Don't forget me**

**Summary**: Calliope couldn't be happier. But life isn't always giving you the things you want and continuing like that. Most of the time Happy Times are followed by dark times. Will Calliope be able to get through this with her love for Arizona?

**Chapter 1**

Her breath goes steady and her breath caresses my naked skin. Her head is lying right on my belly while I'm stroking her head. Our bodies still hot and flustered of making love for hours. I love this feeling, I love her body pressed on mine, I love her scent and her breath, her lips, her face. I love everything about her, that's what I realize at 4 o'clock in the morning, while she is sleeping and I'm still awake. All because of her. All because I don't want to look away, because I can't take my eyes of off her. Oh god… I'm so much in love with her. It's not just her body and her beautiful curls. It's also her soul I fell in love with so fast.

But… Love…

What is Love?

I ask myself that all the time.

A long time ago I thought love was the need to be loved, to share your life with someone you respect, you care for, even it's not perfect, and just be with someone you really like, maybe even love, just not being alone.

George. It was like that with George.

Afterwards I thought Love is respect, having fun, being loved by someone who actually cared for you. But then it was like that again, like it was with George. I thought love could be that, because I was 'satisfied' with nothing. I realize now that love was nothing and I get treated badly, and I was left, not believing in the thing people called Love. I never asked myself if there could be something better out there.

I just learned to keep my head over the water and to swim, because I couldn't let myself be drowned in my own tears.

I told myself after Erica left me to stay alone, to never fall for someone again.

After a rough day I was going into this bathroom, being sure I was done with life. I was living, but not a life I hoped it to be. I was back to my natural mood and selfish and cynical character.

But she made me change, her voice, her face with her big smile, but at most it was her soft red lips pressed on mine for a brief moment.

I was falling so fast and so madly for her, losing myself in the love she gave to me.

For the first time I knew the meaning of pure and passionate love. It's more than respect and hoping not to be hurt. With her I don't have to be scared or strong all the time. She is giving me so much, I feel like I can't give her anything back. I even go crazy by one glance, by one simple touch of her body.

Moments of the hours are filling my mind and I can't stop smiling. Yes, I am one of the "Life is so wonderful, I am so completely in love" – thinker. Now.

I think about her body pressed on mine, while our body is moving in the same rhythm. She is kissing me hard and soft at the same time. Her lips are swollen from our love making session, but we can't stop. We can't have enough of each other; I can't have enough of her hands, of her lips, of her whole body. Every part is electric and words of love and passion are escaping my lips. She was looking straight at me; I could feel her eyes on me while I was gasping for air. What she was doing to me wasn't anything I could describe with any words. "I… love… you…" escaped my eyes, right before my moaning filled the room. Her lips caressed my neck and left dark marks. She was giving me so much and didn't expect anything. She settled down on my body and kissed me so soft on my lips I almost started to cry.

"I love you too…" she whispered as sleep claimed both of us, me stroking her hair.

One hour after that I was still awake just thinking how happy she made me, how she was able to make me feel.

Suddenly without even realizing because I was too lost in my thoughts, she finally raised her voice. "Baby…" she whispered smiling, without even opening her eyes.

I smiled hearing her husky voice in my ears. I loved her voice after making love to her like that.

"Yes…?" I replied, not stopping stroking her hair.

"It's early in the morning, Calliope… You have to stay up in a few hours… Why don't you sleep?" She exactly knew why, but I guess she always likes to hear it from me.

"You really think I could sleep after that?" She is laughing out loud, now raising her head, opening her eyes to look straight into my eyes. Her naked body is still pressed on mine and her lips kissing my belly, using her tongue to pleasuring me with wet circles, finally reaching my breasts. I can't stop myself; straighten my grasp on her hair, moaning out loud.

As she is reaching my lips, kissing me passionate and wanting, I can feel her lips are still swollen, and I love the feeling.

"Want another round?" She is whispering into my ear, slurring the words, because she knows how I react to that.

A short "my god…" is escaping my lips, "Haven't you said I should get some sleep?"

I am closing my eyes, smiling.

"I changed my mind…" She is whispering, her hand reaching the place where I need her the most now. "You really think I could resist?"

Hours are passing by with her head resting right under my cheek. I have her in my arms the rest of the night, until my pager is waking us both at the same time.

The hospital needs me while she can stay another few hours in bed and I am a little bit jealous. It's shit weather outside, raining like hell, and that means a lot of accidents, which means a lot of work for me now when I loved to stay with her in bed. But I can't and she knows that.

She is kissing me a last time right before I have to leave.

"On call room 6 at 6?" She is calling after mean and I come back into the room where she is lying naked in my bed, grinning.

"Damn yes!" I m replying with a big fat smile on my face.

A Last "Take care… It's damn dangerous outside…" She is smiling and nodding.

"Of course I do…" She's promising.

"And… Calliope…"

"Yes?"

"I love you with all my heart…"

One sentence that leaves me of with my heart melting. I realized what Erica meant months ago. I wasn't able to see them then. But now, they are so clearly in front of my eyes.

I can see leaves...

I… can… see leaves.

I'm continuing this I you want, just tell me what you think of it ;-)

-Sun


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: **Thank you very much for your reviews! They mean a lot to me. And thanks to all the people reading this! Thanks! I hope you like how it's going on and I'm always appreciating reviews! Have a nice weekend… I will have –tomorrow Tegan and Sara concert!!! * doing the happy dance*

**-Sun**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Work can be hard, no matter where you are working, but after spending time with different jobs while I was a student I absolutely can say: Especially working in a hospital can be damn hard with no time limits. If they need you, you have to be there. ´

I'm working for 11 hours now, not the longest time ever, I am used to a lot, and I know there will be another few hours, but it's already enough to make me tired. It feels like a eternity at most when Arizona isn't here to sneak down here every time she isn't in a hurry. I miss her presence every time she isn't here and that freaks me out a little bit.

It's raining outside like mad and it seems like it's never going to stop ever again and in traffic that means a lot of accidents, because people are always ignoring the wet roads. Very often the accidents are pretty worse and a lot of people are involved.

Even I know what a careful driver Arizona is I can't stop worrying. She is always driving so carefully and sometimes even as slow as my grandfather. But that's just another thing I love about her: Her carefulness.

While I am drinking another coffee, waiting for another patient to arrive who has been involved in a small accident, I keep my eyes on the clock. It says: "4:45 pm".

Only one hour and 15 minutes left, until I see her, feel her again. I really can't hide my excitement and I just can't shake the thought of last night. Our love making is always affecting me every time, because I can't get enough. I can't get enough of her, and I know it will never change. Arizona is a magnificent sight and she is beautiful… she is so beautiful I am asking myself how I deserved her every time. She's my angel, my personal angel, who saved me from drowning. Finally I realize how corny I've become since she's in my life, but I like it, no, I think it's absolutely awesome, because it's a part of me, affected by her.

I'm stirring at the clock, while I'm fixing a woman's bone, sand suddenly she is speaking, I am guessing she has seen me smiling. How couldn't see that smile on my face? It's giant, like a permanent tattoo, printed on my face.

"You seem very happy..!"

She is saying, a statement by a woman who broke 5 parts of her upper leg by falling down a ladder in her garden.

"Yes… Actually I am happy…"

She is smiling now even she's in pain, but nosy.

"Are you in love?" I am nodding.

"Isn't that always the reason?" She is laughing out loud, and I wonder why I think she's right now. I wonder how I was able to change that much in a short time like that. A few months ago I've never said something like that. Love wasn't the reason I was happy. It was the thing that broke me in two parts.

"That's how it should be, doctor. That's how it should be. Who is the lucky guy?"

I'm smirking. In these moments, telling them it's a lucky girl I'm in love with, I like their surprised, sometimes even horrified expressions on their faces.

A few years ago, I also was ashamed or worried what being with a girl and standing up for it would mean for me and my life. I was scared for what I am, but now I am proud of who I am and who I am with. How could I not be?

"Yeah… I guess, or well, I hope she's pretty lucky."

The Woman in front of me is still smiling, no disgusting expression printed on her face.

"I am happy for you…" She is even saying, replying honestly and a short "Thanks" is escaping my lips, before I am leaving the room again and I can't wait to see her.

I am happy too.

6:20 pm.

I am looking at the small clock on the opposite wall. I am starring at it, unbreakable my contact with it.

She is never too late.

Sometimes she's even earlier than me, catching my lips as soon as I'm rushing in the small room, and she is acting like a horny teenager, pinning me on the wall, right before I can't even realize what happened.

Sometimes, she's earlier, waiting for me in one of those beds, her eyes already closed, waiting for me to crawl into her arms.

And if she's not able to make it, she would tell me. I know her to well now to know that she would tell me, whenever something is happening.

Maybe she overslept, because she had a hard day yesterday and got hardly any sleep?

No… She would never oversleep work. She would never forget her patients, because they are a big part of her life.

Maybe she has to finish an operation or a treatment.

Maybe she forgot it… No… Never…

Too much maybes.

Ten minutes I'm waiting, telling myself everything is alright even I have a bad feeling.

Then I'm standing in front of the window, my face reflecting in the glass, my arms crossed, because I'm freezing. I don't know why, because I never feel like that. I'm never cold. It's Arizona, not me, and it's still raining like mad outside. Would it ever stop?

After 5 another minutes I'm leaving the small room I spent almost 1 hour, waiting for her. But now I'm going upstairs to her favourite place in the whole hospital: Children and Babies everywhere. It's the right place to forget the world around you. It's her place to find peace. It's my place to find my peace, to find her.

I'm looking around, most of the time I'm coming up her I can already see her skating around her, skating from one patient to the other, playing with one of her patients, but now she isn't anywhere. She is nowhere.

"Hey Brenda!" I'm calling out for one of the nurses, hoping she could help me.

She is momentarily looking up from the charts she was checking, smiling at me, knowing why I'm here.

Everyone knows about my relationship with Arizona, and the most amazing thing is, that they are happy for us, it's no 'I' anymore, it's a 'We'. Mc perky felt in love with Mc cynical. My cynical that had a damaged and curious love life. But now I'm not a cynical anymore.

"Oh hey Callie! Lost up here again?" She's still smiling friendly. She was always the supportive. When she found us making up in one of the one call room. 'Our' one call room.

She wasn't annoyed or pissed, or disgusted. She was just telling us to lock the next time, leaving us again.

"Always." I'm replying while I'm laughing. "You know where I can find Arizona?"

"No, Callie. I'm sorry. She wasn't here the whole day. I thought maybe she's sick, even I was a little bit worried why she hasn't called yes. It's no not like her…"

I'm nodding with a strange feeling in my stomach.

"Yeah… it's really not like her…"

"You don't know where she is?"

To be honest I really don't know and I can't shake the thought of something bad happening. Arizona isn't like that; she's used to different things. I know her priorities, and I know how she's taking her responsibilities.

"No… I don't…"

"Hm… Maybe… Maybe I just haven't seen her… The hospital is big…" she replies, hunching her shoulders.

Just a few minutes later I'm down again where I can find Mark, Owen, Christina and Lexie chatting with each other, like we are always doing if we have some time left after a long and hard day spending in surgery or in the ER.

"Anything up to date? Any news?" I am asking them, trying to forget my fear. _Everything's alright_, I'm telling myself, even it's already 7:45 and I haven't seen her for over 13 hours now.

_You'll see, Callie, everything is going to be fine. In a few hours you'll go home and find her in your bed, waiting for you, telling you she hasn't felt so good and was too tired to call you.__ She has the right to stay at home after working like that._

"Nope… it's damn boring… Nothing is really happening…" Christina's replying and I wonder how she can't sit still without being bored.

Every one of us is happy with every free minute we can get, but she seems to be bored whenever she has some spare time, because nothing has happened out there. Sometimes I get the feeling she is just hoping for anything to happen that she was able to get to cut something.

"And where is McPerky?" Mark is asking, wondering how I could not spend my spare time with her when we hang out every chance we get. All of them are used to our perkiness and togetherness.

"I don't know…" I'm answering honestly.

Man, I really do feel like a bad girlfriend.

Yes, I tried to reach her a few times, but she wasn't answering.

Yes, I couldn't think about anything else, but now I was standing here, talking to my friends, without searching her.

Maybe she's already here now? Maybe she has even start to work? Maybe she isn't here because a sudden operation she just has to do?

I decide to search her another time, after I drank the coffee Mark handed to me, and I listen to them, hearing the stories of a new nurse sleeping with one of the old doctors for her advantage, about one of their latest and pretty difficult case and of course there are some of Christina's throw – ins, who is annoyed by spending time with children when she could so much more, for example holding a heart in her hands.

I listen to them, smiling, until I hear someone calling my name.

"Callie…"

It's Bailey, who is standing after me, looking concerned, and I can see tears forming In her dark eyes.

"What's wrong Bailey?" I'm still laughing about one of Mark hospital stories, until I can see her eyes completely. Something must have thrown her out of line, because she's looking even smaller than usual.

"Callie…" She's saying once more again and then I realize something has to be wrong, because how she's saying my name Now is different. It's full of compassion like I can find it in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" My voice changed and I stopped laughing.

"There's someone for you…"

Her voice is sounding strange in my ears as I look up, straight into the eyes of a police man, standing a few meters behind her.

"What the fuck is going on?" I'm almost whispering, something is telling me it's about Arizona.

I'm shaking, my whole body is trembling when I'm hearing Bailey saying these words. My legs feel heavy and my heart is aching, so full of pain.

"It's about Arizona…"

A part of me wants to scream, another part of me wants to run away and cry. But I can't do anything of that, instead I'm walking to them with heavy legs and a heavy heart, pounding furiously in my chest.

As I'm staying right in front of them, a single tear escaping my eyes, because I can't found a reason why the police needs to speak to me, instead something bad had happened. She hasn't done something wrong. She never has. It's something I just know. Because she's mine… She is my girlfriend, and I know how she feels, how she acts, how she thinks.

"Dr. Torres?" The older one of them is asking, his eyes full of compassion.

"Yes?" I'm croaking scared.

"We need to talk to you about Arizona Robbins. Could we talk in more privacy?" He is nodding to all the doctors looking at us, but I'm shaking my head. I can't wait. I need to know why they are here now.

"What is it?" I'm asking them furiously, even I don't want to hear it, I don't want to listen to them. Instead I'd like to be home again, in her arms. Instead I'd like to repeat last night and never let her go. Instead I wished I'd have stayed in bed and never left her to her own. I wish so many things right before they are telling me the truth.

"Mrs. Robbins has been involved in a car accident two hours ago and I'm sorry to tell you…"

My world is spinning and I want to throw up. I can't even hide my tears. I don't have any control over my body as sobs escaping my trembling lips.

I can't even breath…

No… She can't… She's alright. She has to be alright. She just couldn't…

"No… No!!! She's fine! She's alright. She's waiting for me at home… I'm sorry… but I have to work…"

I'm replying, turning around as fast as possible running away. I can feel their eyes, all of them, watching me while I am leaving, and I can't…

I can't breathe anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Even it was raining, and she was one of the person who differ between a friendly rain, those on hot summer days, and unfriendly days, which causes accidents and feel uncomfortable on your skin, like today, she felt peaceful.

She was still lying naked in her lover's bed, smelling her scent and the scent of a long love making night still sticking on the sheets.

The time she was spending with her girlfriend, and no matter what they were doing, was incredible, it gave her power to continuing, even she felt like giving up on days she lost on of her patient and felt responsible for their death. Calliope was the reason she still believed in miracles.

Calliope was her miracle, a gift that was send to her, from heaven, after she had a bad time.

After her brother died she wasn't the same again. She was good in pretending and she was good in being happy even her heart was singing a different song. She tried her best to success, but sometimes she couldn't keep going on. Then, one night, she was seeing the other girl, crying and she told herself it was her mission to make her happy. But then, she, Calliope, was the one who made her completely happy.

Memories keep rushing through her mind as she decided something that would change both of their lives. Why haven't she thought about that earlier?

She was standing up, taking a she was doing Calliopes favourite meal: Arizona's special spaghettis, right before she was leaving a note. No matter what would happen today she always cared about her.

Then she was leaving the apartment, smiling, because her heart was screaming so loud, filled her mind with words, she never thought she liked to scream out loud.

Her way leaded to a small shop where she bought something that might change both of their lives.

4:59 pm. She was reading, still smiling, and singing out loud a song repeating in her head all the time. She has bought everything she needed. Candles, she would use in the small room to light it up. Roses, for her love and the most important thing she kept in her pocket.

_1 hour. Only 1 hour left. _

She keep saying to herself as she was driving along the wet road, singing out loud the song that came out of her radio.

"Oh nothing's gonna change my love for you  
I wanna spend my life with you  
So we make love on the grass under the moon  
No one can tell, damned if I do  
Forever journeys on golden avenues  
I drift in your eyes since I love you  
I got that beat in my veins for only rule  
Love is to share, mine is for you."

Butterflies were rushing through her stomach as she was listening to it, singing along. Just a short second, looking away from the road to change the loud intensity that made her losing the control.

Two glaring lights right in front of her, that made evade, suddenly colliding with the hard wall.

Seconds she was drowning in love, seconds that made her lose the control completely.

Seconds that took everything from her. She didn't know what was happening, all she could keep in mind was her name, she said out long again and again, until she felt a pair of arms getting her out of the car.

"Oh my god… Oh my fucking god…"

She heard a pair of voices, but she couldn't see anything. It was so painful to stay awake.

"What are we going to do?"

"How should I know?"

"We have to call an ambulance!!!"

"No! No ambulance, no police! We will be charged!"

"You want to let her die???"

_No! Please god…_

_I don'__t want to die.. _

_No… I can't die now… I can't…_

_I don't want to leave her…_

_Oh god… Calliope… I love you…_

"Are you sick? Of course not! We will bring her to a hospital! Come on… help me…"

"What's your name?" A girl's voice was asking gently as she felt hands on her hurting body, but she couldn't reply. Her throat was dry, her head was heavy, her lungs were burning and she knew what was happening with her body. She exactly knew how it would end.

"Calliope…" She said a last time, before she was drifting away…

_Forever…_

**Authors Note:** I know… a really short chapter and I'm sorry how it's going on but… please don't be mad and keep reading on. I promise Callie will be able to get through that.

Thanks for all of your reviews!

-Sun


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

When someone is dying you have to tell yourself there is a reason and you have to be good at it, you have to be trained, you have to learn it.

Especially as a doctor you have to learn to survive when dead is all around you. You are in its permanent company. But you are trained to keep it far away from yourself. You have to find a reason, you have to believe in this reason and then you have to go on. And until now it wasn't difficult. Sometimes it's not easy to find any reason.

And I can't find a reason why she left me. I can't find a reason why someone beautiful like her, someone wonderful, could die.

She is…

She was… She was the most gentle, loving, caring person I've ever known, the most kind, the most special person. The person I loved at most.

She was perky and happy all the time, she believed in miracles and she was… she was, everything… She still is…

She was someone who could never been hated.

The children loved her; I can see it in their eyes, now and then. I can see it in their eyes when I'm walking round the hospital, around her place of working, trying to imagine she isn't gone.

I'm hollow and numb every time I realize it's just a ghost skating from one room to the other. It's a imagination… I'm trying so hard to keep myself together, but it's hard to do so when everyone around knows the truth the same time you are still believing this is just a bad nightmare and you will wake up anytime soon.

Maybe it's even just a test. God is testing me, yeah it's just a test, and I have to go through this to get her back. Unfortunately there are glances telling me the truth. The truth I can't take.

I'm just a shadow of myself, keep walking around, because I have to.

I'm still living because I'm needed.

But what is with the things I want? With the things that I need?

Honestly, I don't want to live anymore. No. I can't.

I hate living without her waking up next to me, I hate living without her smile and her laughter, without her voice, her embrace and warmth; I hate living without her scent and her body pressed on mine, her body lying next to mine, entangled with mine.

I hate everything, everyone and at least… I hate myself for not being able to save her.

Another "I'm sorry about Arizona… You two very perfect together" is crossing my way into insanity and I can't take it.

I stop to breathe and start to cry.

Noone is able to stop this and get me breathing again, because I wish this would be enough to kill me. I wish I could drown in my own tears.

But I can't. I just can't… I have to go on to keep the memory of her. The memories. Just the memories…

I'm crying again, for hours, leaving the afterwards to go home. Nothing is worth it to stay. If Arizona wasn't able to survive I don't want anyone else to survive. I want her. I want my life back. I need her to give me my life back.

Standing in front of my car I can't open it and drive home. Even it's starting to rain I'm standing there for almost one hour. Since her accident, sine they took her away from me it's hard for me to drive.

One hour after I left the hospital I am finally sitting in my car, encompassing the steering wheel with shaking hands and crying eyes.

Will my heart ever stop to break into pieces?

Will I ever be able to breathe normal again?

I'm even crying in my sleep and I see her at my side, taking my hand, squeezing it and smiling. Her eyes are full of love and my heart is full of pain.

Two weeks has passed by and everything has changed. One incident, one accident, one life taking, life changing moment. In my dreams I'm still haunting the one who caused the accident and took her away from me. In real life I don't want justice and vengeance. I just want her back, because it won't feel better to find them, judge them, but never getting her back.

Two weeks and there's only one thing left of her: a note, a few pictures and the key to her apartment.

Two weeks took me to be ready to do the final step and finally I'm driving to her apartment's direction.

As I'm opening the door a familiar scent is crawling up my body, greeting me, crawling right into my nose. I can breathe again; even it's hard to see everything without being here with her.

There's everything how it was two weeks ago: the couch is standing at the same direction, where we had our 'making- out-sessions' while we was watching movies; the pictures of us on the wall she did to show me I was a big part of her life and she won't leave me like Erica did and then her bed with the same sheets we made love so many times.

Everything still looks the same, why couldn't it stay like that, the same way?

I would take every change, but I need her. I need her at my side.

I'm lying down on the bed with her shoes still on and I'm reaching for someone who won't be there ever again with my eyes closed. And I'm screaming. I'm screaming as loud as I can, because my heart is aching. A shrill scream is filling the air and my voice finally was becoming the figure of my pain.

I'm screaming her name; her name, every time, until I'm fading out and my tears are following their usual lines. My world turns black, without her… because of her.

Two weeks ago, I tried to convince myself she's still alive.

* * *

I was dialling her number the thousand times, waiting for her to take the call, but nothing was happening.

Her mailbox was everything I got, her voice was the only thing I was listening to, before I was speaking, changing from English to Spanish never minding if she doesn't understand me, I was to upset to control myself.

I was to upset to control any of my rising feelings.

Part of me already knew and another part of me still wanted to believe.

But this part was convinced as soon as Bailey was rushing into the room. Her eyes told me anything I didn't want to hear.

"No! Don't you dare to look at me like that! I know that glance! I know it! Don't you dare to look at me like she's dead, because she isn't!"

My voice was already trembling.

"She was on the road… She was on her way to the hospital…"

Her voice was low when she was speaking to me. Her voice was leading to one single thing, to one conclusion.

"It was raining and another car lost control. She was trying to fudge when the road was to wet. She crashed the wall with her car…"

The pain is starting to rise, building up so fast.

"The other car was hit and run… and she… she was… the car exploded… No one could have done anything…"

I couldn't breath, instead I felt like a fish, trying to survive without water. She was my water. She is my water. She'll ever be.

Bailey was coming up to me to hold me while I was breaking down, shaking uncontrollably. I wish she would have said something else. Something that could have given me hope.

But instead she whispered: "I'm sorry… I'm incredible sorry…" and I was drifting unconsciousness.

It was breath taking to realize that Arizona Robbins, the love of my life has died.


End file.
